dating find free love matchmaking meet online service single - Online dating hookup culture

I actually think it’s the other way around: the dating culture is ruining hookups.

I dated a guy, on and off, for about five years in my 20s. This guy: lived with his “cousin” (girlfriend), was having sex with my best friend, and was even fellated by our co-worker (40 years his senior) in the parking lot of the mall we both worked in.

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One night, at a small dinner a friend and her husband had created for us, my date asked me: doing out there?! (Both of these terms, of course, are antiquated and rarely do people use them without a chuckle; but the unspoken truth is no one wants to be seen as unlovable, which is how one feels when they’re called a whore or a loser.) Let’s take a moment to, for the purposes of this article, define two things: dating and hookups.

From that moment on, I began to pull my energy away from the relationship to him; soon, all of the truths came flooding out. The culture we live in sets us up for failure every time. Dating is the process of getting to know someone ultimately to move towards an enduring union.

I was definitely rocked and devastated at the time, but was given an immense opportunity to channel my rage at the betrayal into something productive rather than annihilating him or myself. Hookups, on the other hand, are getting together for the purposes of sexual interest.

And, make no mistake, no matter how well you negotiate, feelings will get hurt on either path.

At other times in history there were fewer people and multiple cultures that supported the system of one man impregnating several women for the purposes of child baring. In fact, I am certain we will never have the need to populate, en masse, on this planet again.